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part two hundred and sixteen
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team hzt, wc:780
(Anonymous) 2014-07-14 05:24 am (UTC)(link)"what'd you do this time?"
"okay," tao says, with the air of someone settling in for a long conversation. "you remember chanyeol, my neighbor?"
"yeah, vaguely. tall, right? spock haircut, spock ears, huge eyes--"
"that's the one. he's out of town this weekend so he asked me in the hallway if i could babysit his dogs while he was gone--"
"oh, zitao. you didn't. you've got to stop doing things just because you want to get into someone's pants, you know nothing good ever comes of--"
a loud yapping noise comes through the receiver and lu han holds it away from his ear. zitao lets out a few choice swear words and there's a loud crackle as he--maybe?--drops his phone. when he picks it up again, he's out of breath. "you have to help me, dude!" and then the line goes dead.
--
zitao's the most frazzled and unkempt lu han's ever seen him when the front door to his apartment flies open. lu han hasn't even had the time to speak before zitao pulls him in over the threshold. it smells like--"dog pee?" lu han hazards a guess, holding his nose.
"i'm going to die," zitao says forlornly. he's holding a tiny yorkshire terrier out in front of him. "meet baekhyun. chanyeol's satanic dog number 1."
"he isn't potty trained?'
"oh no, he is," zitao says, grimacing. "just only inside my best leopard-print fedora, apparently?"
"oh, good," lu han says, grinning. "i've always said you should burn that thing and never look back."
"hyung," tao whines, thrusting the pissy dog into lu han's arms. "you're supposed to be helping me, not making fun of me."
"all right, fine," lu han says. "don't worry, taozi. i'm the dog whisperer."
--
baekhyun's fucking loud as shit. even when lu han's relegated him to the tub, he still yaps for an entire hour before subsiding when he pees again and then starting up again 5 minutes later. "where's the other dog?" lu han says, in an attempt to get tao's mind off baekhyun.
"i don't even know if this one's still alive," tao whispers, tiptoeing into his room. curled up inside the laundry hamper is a big brown poodle, its little belly rising and falling as it snoozes.
"he's cute! what's the problem?"
"i--" tao scowls. "he won't wake up, no matter what i do. it's not like i want to toss him out or anything. i just don't know if this is--normal?"
"dogs like sleeping," lu han remarks. he prods the dog's stomach. no reaction. "maybe you can make it up with food, or something."
a look of horror flits across tao's face. "no, no, definitely not, absolutely not--"
lu han raises his hands. "okay, okay! you don't want to feed them." he squints at tao. "what exactly happened when you tried?"
tao sits down on his bed, still smelling faintly of dog pee, and hangs his head. "you really don't want to know."
--
baekhyun finally calms down enough for lu han to approach him after tao's passed out on the couch. there are a couple of cans of gourmet dog food still sitting on tao's kitchen counter, so lu han takes a can opener to the chicken-flavored one and puts it in the tub with baekhyun. the dog shows no interest, preferring to curl up in the corner and sniff at its own tail.
lu han sighs. he picks up the can of food and tries the poodle. tao had said its name was kai. "here, doggie," lu han says, holding the can aloft as he walks into tao's bedroom. "i've got some food for y--"
he can't even finish the sentence before kai jolts awake with a loud bark and launches himself at the food in lu han's hands. lu han drops it in surprise. fortunately, it lands bottom-down, but kai leaping out of the laundry hamper sends dirty clothes flying everywhere, and then he proceeds to display the worst table manners lu han's ever seen in a dog.
"jesus," he says, and backs slowly out of the room.
--
tao wakes up half an hour later, drowsy and disoriented. "hey," he says, yawning. "what's up? how are the dogs?"
"don't go into your room," lu han says in a rush.
tao sends him an alarmed look and jumps up, scurrying off toward his bedroom in a flash. "what did you do--LUUUUUHAAAAANNN I FUCKING TOLD YOU NOT TO FEED THE DOGS!!!"
team multiplier
(Anonymous) 2014-07-14 05:25 am (UTC)(link)Re: team hzt, wc:780
(Anonymous) 2014-07-14 05:32 am (UTC)(link)Re: team hzt, wc:780
(Anonymous) 2014-07-14 05:52 am (UTC)(link)