exomeme | part two hundred and sixteen

anterograde was too forced on the angst

"had an accident" implied there was someone else acting outside that turned the entire thing deadly but yeah

lol ik

i just feel like the only person who hasn't read them all

idek it was a thing until it was brought up here on meme

they never found xiuchen's bodies iirc

like i've tried to read anterograde but i can't get into it. is it really as angsty as everyone makes it out to be?

lol it's all over my dash

i don't think it implies that lol

da yeah it was super angsty lmao

Zitao doesn't hate his job, but he isn't exactly fond of it.

if i have to look at one more card of a dog dressed up for halloween or christmas or fucking graduation i might scream, Zitao texts Sehun when he arrives to work and finds the stack of cards waiting for him at his desk.

Zitao didn't take this job at the greeting card company to write puns. He wanted to write things that would make people think. He wanted to write the kind of words that captured the kind of feelings that weren't easy to articulate, create the kinds of cards that would move people to tears, whatever the occasion.

lol what do u have against dogs, Sehun replies, an hour later, completely missing the point.

On his desk, the image of a dog dressed in a cap and gown seems to be mocking him.

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"it's awful," baekhyun wails, ringing his hands. "i like him so much, and--"

"get over yourself," lu han interrupts. "it's not like it's the end of the world. maybe he has other talents."

"yeah," tao says. "i mean, lu han's dick isn't that big, but--"

"hey," lu han says, smacking tao's arm.

"ow! he does have other talents."

"thank you."

baekhyun frowns at both of them. "i didn't need to know that."

"we didn't need to know about how big your latest target's dick is, but here we are," lu han points out.

tao sits back in his chair and manages to look interested and utterly bored at the same time. "why exactly is this a problem again?"

baekhyun's scowl deepens. it's not that baekhyun's really a size queen or anything. it's just that a packing package was something that reassured him before going in for the kill, and jongin, was, well--"it doesn't inspire a lot of confidence in me, is all."

"maybe he's a grower, not a shower," tao suggests.

"hi," a voice says over baekhyun's shoulder, and baekhyun turns his head to stare up into jongin's sleepy face. his hair's still wet from a shower, and baekhyun can almost see through his flimsy old tank shirt, straight through to--"what are you guys talking about?"

tao's trying (and failing) to be surreptitious about staring at jongin's crotch. lu han just leans over and pats the seat next to baekhyun. "here for lunch?"

"what's on the menu?"

tao snickers. "not you, apparently."

baekhyun reaches over and smacks him on the head.

chenyeolxing are dogs - 247 w + team multiplier

“uh look at that bitch. he thinks he’s so great because he has a naturally calm disposition, ugh i hate blood hounds.” chanyeol complained to jongdae. jongdae was a bit distracted by the small elastic that was holding the tiny blue graduation cap on his head between his ears. the pair of puppy beagles were awaiting their graduation from level one of doggy training academy.

“i don’t know…” jongdae said offhandedly, chewing at the elastic of his cap. “yixing is really cool. he lets me bite at his ears and tail and doesn’t even bark. he’s a good dog.”

all the ears in the play pen perked up when their trainer minseok opened the gate. chanyeol could smell the doggy biscuits in his back pocket but his months fo training have taught him that going up and training to bite at minseok’s butt will only earn him a spray of cold water to his face and time in the isolation play pen.

minseok went straight for the napping blood hound in the corner, bending over and scratching behind his floppy ears.

“how does it not bother you that yixing is minseok’s favourite?” chanyeol whimpered.

“minseok still likes me a lot and gives me lots of pets. maybe you should try not biting him so much. humans don’t like that.”

“but i do it so lightly! how can they not see it’s out of love!”

“...i’m ashamed to be wearing the same cap and gown as you, chanyeol.”

lol this was so dumb

with the skylights dimming over the fog of san francisco, zitao shifts in the sheets, bare skin brushing against egyptian cotton. somewhere behind him, joonmyun is fixing his tie, rummaging for a pair of cufflinks.

zitao wishes they could take these mornings and ignore the phone calls. ignore the meetings and the schedules and the late nights in the office. zitao wishes he could do more than shop alone most days and doze off waiting for joonmyun to come home. the empty bed behind him, the lingering scent of a quick morning fuck is all that stays in the room and he sighs, closing his eyes.

"what's wrong, taozi?" joonmyun questions, frowning at the sound of the other's discontent, turning as he clips on another gold cufflink. zitao shakes his head, sheets loose at his waist. he'd rather not answer; he doesn't want to make joonmyun feel any more guilty than he already does.

regardless, the bed dips slightly behind him, and he instinctively rolls over to peer up at the other, joonmyun sliding into place overtop of him. once he's settled on zitao's waist, the younger boy slides his hands up over joonmyun's button up, admiring the thin yet defined torso.

"what's wrong?" joonmyun repeats, gentler, eyes soft.

"i don't want you to go to work," zitao admits, fingers curling lightly in the fabric. joonmyun's eyes fill with guilt and zitao immediately regrets it, leaning up to kiss away those feelings.

joonmyun faulters because zitao always manages to kiss so sweet, taste so perfect, and for a brief moment, he considers staying. but work calls, a CEO can't show up late, let alone call in sick, and with a slow lick into the other's mouth, he guides a groaning Zitao back against the mattress.

"shhh..." he whispers into his mouth, kissing him slowly and deeply. zitao wrinkles his shirt slightly with his grip. "i'll take a longer lunch break today, okay..? we'll go on vacation soon.."

zitao whines softly in protest as the other pulls away, but the promise is set and he believes joonmyun's soft words. "okay.." he sighs again, rolling over to tangle himself into the sheets. joonmyun climbs back off the bed, quickly smooths his shirt out and spritzes a bit of cologne before shrugging into his blazer. sitting on the edge of the bed, he pulls his shoes close to step into. zitao sits up, moving towards him to curl up behind, arms slinking around his waist and nose pressing into joonmyun's shoulder.

"i love you," he mutters quietly, almost shyly, and joonmyun turns to kiss his temple.

"i love you too...be good for me."

"no promises," zitao giggles softly.

the only fandom classics ive read were 10010 or something and i laughed during most of it before getting impatient while reading, awful fic
and i read absolute chanyeol, it was cute.

wah anon ;;;;;; yeah tbh when i first read your backstory for them i was like .___. how can an otp as cuddly as sexing fit into this? but i thought about it and i guess an idea finally struck. thank you for your nice fanmixes! i wrote this listening to sehun's half

idk how much more i can write bc i can't angst ;; but i'll do my best to write the smutty continuation of this by tomorrow!

♥ ilu too anon

this is super cute ;;

da sorta ot but do you think pcy actually read absolute chanyeol?

anon this is so cute and funny! and it's chanyeol's who's whiny this time lmao

is there anything to suggest he did?

anon!!! god poor kai :(

ppl were saying he did mama era lol

idk what this is besides rude gay bbh

"So when you say small you mean-"

"Like, I had a bigger dick when I was fourteen," Baekhyun says.

Jongdae pulls a face. "First off, gross. Second off, so what? You're not a bottom anyway. Big fucking deal." He pauses, then giggles. "Big fucking."

"I'm having an identity crisis," Baekhyun says. "I can fit his whole dick in my mouth. That's never happened before. That's not supposed to happen."

"I really don't get what your problem is," Tao says, returning to the table with their drinks. Baekhyun is quick to grab the shot of soju from his hand. "You're not even a bottom."

"That's what I said!"

Baekhyun tosses back the shot with a grimace. "You guys are missing the point. What about my reputation? How am I supposed to take him to the sauna? What will they say about me?"

lmfao this is great

the first thing baekhyun sees when he steps out of the shower is the strong line of jongin's back, the sharp cut of his shoulder blades, his legs sliding against each other beneath the duvet. his mouth waters a little as he watches jongin's muscles work underneath his skin, already ready to reach out and smooth his thumb over the knobs of his spine.

"hope you're ready for me," he calls, and he heard jongin's answering laugh.

"yeah, whatever, hyung," jongin says. he turns over to face baekhyun, eyes crinkled at the corners. "just come over here already."

baekhyun tosses the towel around his waist aside and sinks down onto the bed, knees leaving little divots in the foamy mattress. jongin reaches out and takes baekhyun's cock carefully into his hands, fingers wrapping around the shaft and tugging as baekhyun leans down and kisses him. his mouth is soft and plush and warm, and tastes faintly of toothpaste.

there's early evening light slanting in from the open windows. "you should draw the curtains, hyung," jongin reminds him, but it just puts a different idea in baekhyun's head. he hops off the other side of the bed and pulls jongin with him, arranges him face first against the cool window. "really?" jongin asks, sounding unsure.

"we're like twenty stories up," baekhyun says, and kisses the back of his neck, leaves a wet mark there. "what are you so afraid of?"

he latches onto jongin's shoulder and sucks, hands darting forward to slide around jongin's burgeoning erection. he pulls jongin's dick to full hardness with ease, jongin's breath fogging up to the glass of the window as he groans. baekhyun's dick slides up against jongin's pert ass and nestles in between the cheeks, hot flesh parting. jongin's hips stutter erratically, like he isn't sure whether to push forward into the window and baekhyun's hands or backward into baekhyun's crotch. he makes a frustrated noise in his throat. "just fuck me," he mutters, sweaty palms squeaking as they slide across the window.

"dry?"

"there's lube in the drawer."

"stay like that," baekhyun says sharply. "don't move. i'll know." he steps away with effort and pads to jongin's bedside table, toes sinking into the carpet with every step. he rips a condom package open and slides it on himself, picks the bottle of lube up and tosses it between his hands. when he gets back to the window, it seems like jongin hasn't even breathed, let alone moved, which sends a thrill of arousal shooting right through him. "so obedient," he says, carding a hand through jongin's damp hair. "such a good boy."

jongin lets out a muffled sound. baekhyun dribbles lube against his fingers and curls two into jongin at once just to feel him tense up against baekhyun's chest, head falling back against baekhyun's shoulder. baekhyun fucks him slowly like that, listening to the slick sound of his fingers moving in and out of jongin slowly, the harsh, panting breath in his ear. jongin sags against him as baekhyun twists his fingers in deeper, and then fits a third in with a loud squelch. "please, hyung."

"yeah, alright," baekhyun says. he props jongin up against the window and slides into him from behind in one smooth motion, starts fucking him into the glass in earnest, fingers curled loosely around the base of jongin's dick to keep him from coming too fast. jongin, to his credit, bounces down onto baekhyun's dick, face plastered against the glass, quiet noises of satisfaction falling out of his mouth with each one of baekhyun's forward thrusts.

baekhyun can feel the pressure building at the tops of his thighs and rises up on his toes, forces himself into jongin even faster. jongin twists his head back to kiss baekhyun, tongue curling up against the roof of baekhyun's mouth, humming against his lips. baekhyun ignores the cramp brewing in his calf and keeps going until he's spilling into the condom, every muscle in his body tensing as he comes. he lets go of jongin's dick and jongin jizzes all over the window. faintly, baekhyun thinks, we'll have to wash all that shit off, later.

they both settle in bed afterwards, sweaty and sated, jongin curled up against baekhyun's chest like a big house cat. "you're making it hard to breathe," baekhyun wheezes, trying to push jongin off him, but jongin just snuggles in closer. "it's too fucking hot for this shit."

"too bad," jongin murmurs into baekhyun's collarbone. he plants a kiss there and drowsily dozes off. baekhyun huffs. he's feeling too boneless to do too much about it, anyway.

"i don't know why i decided this was a good idea," tao moans over the phone when lu han picks up. "i'm much better with cats."

"what'd you do this time?"

"okay," tao says, with the air of someone settling in for a long conversation. "you remember chanyeol, my neighbor?"

"yeah, vaguely. tall, right? spock haircut, spock ears, huge eyes--"

"that's the one. he's out of town this weekend so he asked me in the hallway if i could babysit his dogs while he was gone--"

"oh, zitao. you didn't. you've got to stop doing things just because you want to get into someone's pants, you know nothing good ever comes of--"

a loud yapping noise comes through the receiver and lu han holds it away from his ear. zitao lets out a few choice swear words and there's a loud crackle as he--maybe?--drops his phone. when he picks it up again, he's out of breath. "you have to help me, dude!" and then the line goes dead.

--

zitao's the most frazzled and unkempt lu han's ever seen him when the front door to his apartment flies open. lu han hasn't even had the time to speak before zitao pulls him in over the threshold. it smells like--"dog pee?" lu han hazards a guess, holding his nose.

"i'm going to die," zitao says forlornly. he's holding a tiny yorkshire terrier out in front of him. "meet baekhyun. chanyeol's satanic dog number 1."

"he isn't potty trained?'

"oh no, he is," zitao says, grimacing. "just only inside my best leopard-print fedora, apparently?"

"oh, good," lu han says, grinning. "i've always said you should burn that thing and never look back."

"hyung," tao whines, thrusting the pissy dog into lu han's arms. "you're supposed to be helping me, not making fun of me."

"all right, fine," lu han says. "don't worry, taozi. i'm the dog whisperer."

--

baekhyun's fucking loud as shit. even when lu han's relegated him to the tub, he still yaps for an entire hour before subsiding when he pees again and then starting up again 5 minutes later. "where's the other dog?" lu han says, in an attempt to get tao's mind off baekhyun.

"i don't even know if this one's still alive," tao whispers, tiptoeing into his room. curled up inside the laundry hamper is a big brown poodle, its little belly rising and falling as it snoozes.

"he's cute! what's the problem?"

"i--" tao scowls. "he won't wake up, no matter what i do. it's not like i want to toss him out or anything. i just don't know if this is--normal?"

"dogs like sleeping," lu han remarks. he prods the dog's stomach. no reaction. "maybe you can make it up with food, or something."

a look of horror flits across tao's face. "no, no, definitely not, absolutely not--"

lu han raises his hands. "okay, okay! you don't want to feed them." he squints at tao. "what exactly happened when you tried?"

tao sits down on his bed, still smelling faintly of dog pee, and hangs his head. "you really don't want to know."

--

baekhyun finally calms down enough for lu han to approach him after tao's passed out on the couch. there are a couple of cans of gourmet dog food still sitting on tao's kitchen counter, so lu han takes a can opener to the chicken-flavored one and puts it in the tub with baekhyun. the dog shows no interest, preferring to curl up in the corner and sniff at its own tail.

lu han sighs. he picks up the can of food and tries the poodle. tao had said its name was kai. "here, doggie," lu han says, holding the can aloft as he walks into tao's bedroom. "i've got some food for y--"

he can't even finish the sentence before kai jolts awake with a loud bark and launches himself at the food in lu han's hands. lu han drops it in surprise. fortunately, it lands bottom-down, but kai leaping out of the laundry hamper sends dirty clothes flying everywhere, and then he proceeds to display the worst table manners lu han's ever seen in a dog.

"jesus," he says, and backs slowly out of the room.

--

tao wakes up half an hour later, drowsy and disoriented. "hey," he says, yawning. "what's up? how are the dogs?"

"don't go into your room," lu han says in a rush.

tao sends him an alarmed look and jumps up, scurrying off toward his bedroom in a flash. "what did you do--LUUUUUHAAAAANNN I FUCKING TOLD YOU NOT TO FEED THE DOGS!!!"

sorry i forgot to put that in the comment!

part two hundred and sixteen

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