"But Jongin understands people best through dance. He itches now to throw off all his clothes, get back to that soaring cabriole," for instant in this quote: Jongin "itches" to throw off his clothes, but why just to "get back" to that soaring cabriole? "Get back" is after 2pm coffe "get back" to work. "Get back" is weekend's-over's "get back" to school. "Get back" isn't effectively strong and precise enough to describe someone who yearns to SOAR into a cabriole again.
i actually agree with this part of the crit? consistency of diction is important, and "get back" rly doesn't go with "soaring cabriole," unless she's going for an ironic idk junot diaz kind of feel? which doesn't seem to be the case here.
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http://anonfeedback.livejournal.com/526.html?thread=280078#t280078
(Anonymous) 2012-12-14 07:38 am (UTC)(link)this feedback for windowright is killing me, i wonder who left it
Re: http://anonfeedback.livejournal.com/526.html?thread=280078#t280078
(Anonymous) 2012-12-14 07:46 am (UTC)(link)wat
Re: http://anonfeedback.livejournal.com/526.html?thread=280078#t280078
(Anonymous) 2012-12-14 07:50 am (UTC)(link)Re: http://anonfeedback.livejournal.com/526.html?thread=280078#t280078
(Anonymous) 2012-12-14 07:55 am (UTC)(link)Re: http://anonfeedback.livejournal.com/526.html?thread=280078#t280078
(Anonymous) 2012-12-14 08:18 am (UTC)(link)