part two hundred and twelve
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Re: wc!au: team dage : Ultraviolet
(Anonymous) 2014-07-08 04:23 am (UTC)(link)Re: wc!au: team dage : Ultraviolet 1/2
(Anonymous) 2014-07-08 04:23 am (UTC)(link)It’s that time of the year again when beaches are crowded, filled with locals and foreigners, the young and old. Despite coming to the beach early in the morning, it is still hard for Minseok to find a parking spot but he finally finds one, stretching himself on the driver’s seat as he rolls down the window to enjoy the breeze for a moment.
He remembers the last time he was at the beach 3 years ago with Sehun. Minseok had just obtained his driver’s license and he wanted to take Sehun for a short holiday — just the two of them. It was also a late celebration to mark the end of Minseok’s high school life and Sehun’s middle school life. Minseok was going to be enrolled in the university in fall and Sehun will be starting high school. Now, Minseok will be starting on his final year and Sehun never got to finish high school
Minseok groans when the sunlight glares through his windows and it brings him back to the present. He rolls the window back up and put his shades on before climbing out of the door and walking towards the crowd with only a towel on his arm.
The crunch of sand beneath his slippers makes Minseok wobble as he loses some balance but the feel of coarse grains against his feet somehow takes away some of the tension from his shoulders. He scans the beach to look for a suitable spot – there are people everywhere – and he envies the couples walking down the waterline and groups of friends laughing and having fun.
Minseok never really found anyone he can call a close friend in university. Jongdae accepted an offer from another university and after Sehun, Minseok mostly keeps to himself and he finds that he actually enjoys the solitude; he can avoid pretences of keeping up with conversations and he can go about his days at his own pace.
Minseok picks a spot near the end of the beach where people are just lounging around on their towels, away from the noisy crowd playing beach sports. He lays down his towel and takes off his shirt, lying face down; simply enjoying the prickly heat on his back and the sound of waves washing ashore.
When it feels like the sun is starting to glare even stronger, Minseok decides that it’s time to get into the water. He leaves his towel and shirt on the sand before he walks briskly towards the sea. The waves wash up, lapping at his feet and Minseok sighs at the cold water, a stark contrast against the heat on shore. He walks down the waterline for a bit, focusing on the way the waves come crashing one after the other and he notices how the next wave seems to make it further on the beach than the previous one.
Minseok inches towards the water, slowly lowering himself and shivering at the cold water but he knows it’ll get warm once his whole body is under the water. He dips his head underwater and stays down for a few seconds, wetting his hair. When he comes back up, he waddles in the water, enjoying the sounds of the breeze, followed by the chirping of birds somewhere overhead.
There’s just something calming about holding his breathe underwater, where he focuses on nothing except for the amount of air in his lungs and how long he can last. It’s a distraction for him; takes him away from the noises of the world and all that’s left is Kim Minseok. It gives the illusion that he can escape everything around him and just enjoy the moment; the feeling of getting swallowed by the ocean. Unfortunately there’s a time limit to this before his lungs and brain starts screaming for air. So he does it repeatedly, until he’s pretty much getting hungry and it’s only then he realises how far he’s drifted from land so he swims back slowly to shore.
That’s when Minseok spots him. Minseok stops swimming and floats, trying to take in the image he is seeing, rubbing his eyes to make sure he’s not hallucinating. Dressed in a blue and white striped shirt with red shorts, long legs coming out from under them and he’s practically glowing in the sunlight. Minseok can feel his heart beating rapidly and he’s not sure if it’s the nerves or excitement. He swims as quickly as he can, arms pulling the water underneath and splashing his feet faster.
Minseok runs for the shore the moment his feet can touch the seabed, taking up almost all of his energy as he trudges across the water and kicks the sand under his feet. Gasping for air, Minseok scans the beach for the boy, running past people and apologising half-heartedly when he bumps into someone in his haste.
After ten minutes of searching, Minseok gives up and his shoulders slumps forward, disappointed that somehow he lost sight of the boy. As he walks back to his belongings, someone passes him a flyer; free barbeque and campfire on the beach tonight. Who can say no to free food?
They really were not kidding with the free barbeque and campfire. Trays and trays of raw seafood and meat sit by the makeshift pits where strangers are sitting around passing cooked food to each other and sharing a drink or two, huddled around the huge fire burning in the middle of the beach. Even after sundown, the crowd at the beach only seems to get bigger and Minseok is not too fond of huge crowds. Minseok walks past where the crowd is congregated, near the grills and pits – grabbing a skewer of cooked prawns and a cup of beer along the way – and makes his way near the lapping water on the beach.
Minseok quietly enjoys his prawns, skilfully using his mouth to peel off the head and skin and he smiles, watching everyone interact, children running around playing with each other. It warms his heart to see human interaction especially between strangers but it also reminds him of his own loneliness. He tries to recall the last time he laughed heartily or even smiled sincerely but nothing comes to mind. Nothing except him.
As though by instinct, Minseok averts his gaze from the people and looks away, staring into the darkness, the part of the beach not lighted by the campfire and he almost chokes on his prawns. It’s him. In the same blue and white stripes and red shorts, with his back towards Minseok. Minseok takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, slowly breathing in through his nose and exhaling through his mouth. It is a great coping mechanism that Minseok has developed the past couple of years. But when Minseok opens his eyes and expects the figure to have disappeared, Minseok can still make him out, only walking away even further. Before he can say no, his feet start moving on their own.
Minseok runs after him and he watches as the boy stops to look up at the full moon illuminating the dark. The moonlight is shining on him and highlighting his side profile. Minseok’s heart thumps rapidly against his ribcage and he feels weak in the knees, he has no doubt in his mind that the boy is Sehun. He walks up silently, afraid that this image will disappear and before his courage runs out on him, Minseok grabs the boy’s shoulder and turns him around and…oh.
“Oh,” Minseok says when he’s facing the boy.
Up close, Minseok can make out the softer jawline and doe eyes, he’s taller than Minseok by half a head but Sehun was a good head taller and Minseok knows he’s made a mistake. The other boy tilts his head to the right looking at the person who interrupted his walk.
“Umm, I’m s-sorry. I-I thought you were a friend.” Minseok looks at the other boy apologetically and his shoulders are slumped in disappointment.
“A friend? You came here with him?”
“Ah! No, no I am alone. It’s…uhh it’s complicated,” Minseok scratches the back of his head, smiling sadly, sorry that he disrupted the stranger’s peace.
Minseok certainly is not expecting the hand reaching out to him for a handshake and it’s like a conditioned response that he takes the hand. The stranger’s hand is smooth and soft but he has a firm handshake, Minseok notes.
“I’m here alone too,” he says smiling, “I’m Luhan.”
“Hi, I’m Minseok, Kim Minseok.”
There’s a moment of silence after they release each other’s hand and Minseok decides that he should probably walk away.
“Umm, yeah nice meeting you, I should –“
“Why don’t you walk with me? I mean, it’s not like you’re with anyone and I could use the company.”
“Uhh, I…don’t want to intrude on you,” Minseok’s eyes widen in shock over the truth in his own words when he said it.
Re: wc!au: team dage : Ultraviolet 2/2
(Anonymous) 2014-07-08 04:24 am (UTC)(link)In any other circumstances, Minseok would prefer to walk away because he is just not interested in making new friends but surprisingly, the only reason why he will walk away from Luhan is because he is afraid his presence is just a nuisance. Somehow, deep inside, Minseok would really like to get to know Luhan better and Minseok’s heart is racing because he has just met this guy for a mere five minutes and he already wants to make Luhan his friend. But maybe it’s because he hopes to find a glimpse of Sehun in Luhan.
“No, no,” Luhan laughs – he has a nice laugh, Minseok notes – shaking his head, “I wouldn’t have asked if I thought you’re going to be a bother.”
“Right, of course. Sorry, I’m not too good in making new friends,” Minseok says honestly, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.
“So I look like your friend huh?”
“No! I-I mean yes I thought you did but up close you don’t look that much alike after all,” Minseok mumbles, ducking his head and he can feel the heat spreading from his cheeks down to his neck. He is pretty sure he’s red all over from the tip of his ears.
“Come and sit here with me.”
Luhan’s voice sounds further, Minseok looks up to see Luhan sitting on top of a boulder further away from the water, now when did he walk over there. Luhan looks at Minseok expectantly, patting the spot next to him and Minseok walks over, taking small unsure – cautious – steps.
“I didn’t even notice you walking away.”
“Yeah, you were pretty busy getting embarrassed all by yourself,” Luhan laughs again and Minseok would really like to be the one who makes Luhan laughs.
“So…this friend of yours, he must be really gorgeous if he looks like me.”
“Yeah, he’s definitely above avera— wait, are you actually praising yourself right now?”
Luhan laughs at the incredulous look Minseok is giving him, “Well, beautiful—“ Minseok snorts at this – “people have the right to brag.”
“I’ll give you cute but I’m not so sure about beautiful,” Minseok laughs, amused at the amount of self-confidence this guy has.
“You’re cute too.”
Minseok’s eyes widen when he realises he had just call Luhan cute and he starts to fluster, “I-I mean I didn’t n-not c-cute I didn’t mean I…”
“Just look at you, I really meant it when I said you’re cute and here’s the very proof. Are you always this nervous around people, Minseok?”
Minseok looks towards Luhan to his right and Luhan’s eyes seem to shine in the dark, pulling him in. Without realising Minseok starts to lean closer but he quickly snaps out of it, turning to face the sea instead.
“Not always. Just in front of beautiful people,” Minseok grins, hoping that Luhan will think of it as a joke even though Minseok really means it but Minseok didn’t see Luhan biting his lower lip or the tint of pink on Luhan’s cheeks.
“Right.” Minseok squeals in surprise when Luhan punches his arm and the next thing he knows, he’s being pulled to his feet.
“Let’s go sit by the campfire. I heard that they have marshmallows!” Luhan pulls Minseok along, jogging back to the centre of the beach where everyone else is gathered.
Minseok flushes again when he realises that they are actually holding hands but he lets Luhan lead the way, too embarrassed to say anything. Strong wind starts blowing from the sea and Minseok flails, trying to hold his hair down with his free hand. Luhan does the same but then Luhan starts to laugh and Minseok looks up to see Luhan looking back at him.
“You look funny!” Luhan laughs above the howl of the wind before turning back.
Luhan’s laughter is infectious and Minseok finds himself giggling, his stomach is starting to hurt and he’s not sure if it’s from laughing too much or because it’s been ages since he exercised. Minseok wants to shout back “You should look at your laughing face” but it dies in his throat. They are nearing the campfire and the fire lights up Luhan’s silhouette, he really is beautiful, Minseok thinks.
Luhan suddenly stops and Minseok almost crashes into him but Luhan turns around in time and his arms reach out to Minseok’s shoulders before he dives into Luhan’s chest. They are both breathless, chest heaving trying to catch their breaths. Laughing and running is not a good combination, Minseok realises. Minseok returns Luhan’s smile but there’s a sudden sharp pang to his chest, making him recoil from Luhan’s touch.
Luhan instinctive reaches out to touch Minseok but when Minseok steps back, his arms fall by his side and his smile disappears, replaced by a look Minseok cannot decipher.
“You ok?” Luhan ask, his hands fisting the side of his shorts and he bites his bottom lips again. Minseok suddenly wishes he knows what it means when Luhan bites his lip like that.
“Y-yeah I just, haven’t run like that for a long time.” The laughter at the end of the sentence sounds forced even to Minseok’s ears and he knows Luhan heard it the same way too.
“I’ll uhh just get us some marshmallows. You wait here and catch your breath.” Luhan smiles at Minseok before walking away but it’s not the same smile that they shared moments ago. He might have only known Luhan for a few minutes but he can tell that the smile is a guarded one.
Minseok’s right hand starts to rub his chest, clutching at the spot above his heart where he felt the pain earlier. When Minseok told Luhan that it’s been awhile since he ran like that, what he really means is that it’s been awhile since he laughed like that. Minseok tries to recall the last time he’s had that much fun and all he can think of is Sehun’s face.
Minseok turns the stick of marshmallows in his hand, careful to watch it so as not to burn them. They are lucky to get the spot to themselves, so it’s only the two of them sharing the small fire of burning logs to roast their marshmallows. But somehow it has become a little awkward between them; Luhan barely said a word to Minseok when he came back other than passing him two sticks skewered with the soft white candy.
Minseok feels like it’s his fault, he created this distance when he pulled away earlier but he doesn’t know why Luhan is suddenly so guarded.
“So. Luhan…”
“Hmm?” Luhan didn’t even look at him and it hurts a little.
“Where are you from? Your name doesn’t sound Korean but your Korean is perfect, so I was just wondering…”
When Luhan didn’t response after a few seconds, Minseok feels his face burning up like the marshmallows, “Oh! Nevermind j-just forget I asked. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to pry.”
Luhan finally looks at Minseok and his eyes soften when he sees Minseok getting embarrassed so he shakes his head, “No, it’s ok. I’m from Beijing, China.
“I…I moved here a couples of years ago to live with my aunt. I’m sorry I’m making you embarrassed. I just…because of my past I – when you – no I mean it’s not your fault but I just became a little self-conscious.”
Luhan’s voice became so small at the end that the guilt comes crashing down on Minseok.
“I’m so sorry. If I did anything to make you uncomfortable, I’m sor –“
“It’s not your fault, you don’t have to apologi –“
“— no wait. It’s just I…I had fun with the Luhan I met down the beach but when you came back with the marshmallows, it’s like you changed and I’m pretty sure it’s my fault. I’m sorry Luhan but I don’t know what I did wrong so maybe if you can tell me I’ll –“
“No!” Luhan suddenly shouts and it startles Minseok, “No, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to shout but you didn’t do anything wrong it’s just…oh God I’m gay ok! I’m gay. There, you can run away now, I won’t blame you for it, you won’t be the first.”
“Wait, you’re…gay? So what is the problem? I mean –“
“Don’t you get it? Society doesn’t accept people like me. When my family found out I’m gay, my father threw me out of the house. They didn’t want to acknowledge me as a son, he’d rather not have any children than accept that their only son is gay.
“That’s why I moved to Seoul, my aunt took me in when she found out what happened. She had a son, but he passed away a few years back. He was gay too so his family understood me, they accepted me when my own parents didn’t.
“My own friends back home scorned me when they found out. They were so disgusted that they were within close proximity with someone like me. It’s like I have a disease. So when you…when you pulled away earlier it felt like you are rejecting me too. We just got to know each other so I didn’t want to scare you but now you know everything. Oh God, I don’t even know why I shared all of that with you but I guess just scared you away too,” Luhan laughs but it sounds so hollow and Minseok wants to reach out and pull him close.
Luhan turns away from Minseok and even if Luhan tries to hide it, Minseok can hear the sniffles and he knows Luhan is crying. Luhan looks up in surprise when he feels Minseok’s hand on his. There’s a tug at Minseok’s chest when he sees the tears on Luhan’s eyelashes and the first thing that comes out from his mouth after all that is, “Your marshmallows are burning.”
“Huh?” Luhan looks at where Minseok is pointing and true enough his marshmallows are charred and some are even melting off his stick, falling onto the sand below.
“Here, you can have mine. Both sticks are perfectly cooked,” Minseok hands a stick over to Luhan, there’s a big smile on his face as he waves the marshmallows, urging Luhan to take them and Luhan is very confused right now. Why is Minseok still here, why didn’t he leave and why is he moving closer?
Luhan just stares at the new stick of perfectly browned marshmallows in his hand. Minseok tugs one off his own stick, “Aren’t you going to eat them? They won’t be nice once they cool off.”
Luhan watches as Minseok pop the marshmallow into his mouth before jumping up and howling as though in pain. Luhan stands up in surprise, flailing in panic until Minseok spits out the marshmallow. Luhan starts to laugh, Minseok has his mouth open and he’s wagging his tongue out in the air.
“Thath noth funny, my tongue ith burning,” is the last thing Minseok says before he walks away.
Luhan knows that this is it, Minseok would not come back and he’s lost he chance to make a friend when something cold against his cheek startles him. He looks up to see Minseok grinning cheekily at him as he passes Luhan the cold bottle of water before he resumes the same position beside Luhan and drinks out of his own bottle.
“Need help opening that?” Minseok wriggles his brows at Luhan and Luhan gasp out loud.
“Are you implying I’m not strong enough to open a bottled water?”
“Well, you should leave the hard work to the men.” Minseok’s chuckles turns into groans when Luhan throws the stick of marshmallow at him at the sticky candy lands on his shirt.
“That’s a waste of perfectly roasted marshmallows!” Luhan laughs as he watches Minseok get up again but then he remembers that he’s not supposed to be laughing.
His throat feels really dry suddenly and he curses when he can’t get the cap to turn. Luhan gives up trying to unscrew the cap and he buries his head in between his knees, everything is going wrong for him tonight. But Minseok appears again and passes Luhan two new sticks of marshmallows and takes the bottle out of his hand before uncapping it for him. He hands the bottle back and takes the marshmallows out of Luhan’s hand.
Luhan mutters a soft, “Thanks,” before taking a big gulp.
He doesn’t even realise he drank half the bottle until Minseok says, “You must be really thirsty.”
“Minseok…I…why are you still here?”
“Luhan, thank you for sharing your story with me but it takes more than that to drive me away. It was my fault after all for the change in your behaviour. I didn’t pull away from you because I was uncomfortable or anything, it’s just…it’s complicated.”
“But Minseok I –“
“I’m sorry you had to go through all that but what I can say is that those friends don’t deserve you. Yes, you are right, society is still reluctant to accept people like us but if you look hard enough, you’ll find people who’ll love you for who you are, like your aunt’s family and me. I really had fun with the Luhan I first met, so if you could bring him back, that would be awesome,” Minseok smiles and Luhan actually believes every word he said.
“You should be careful with what you say. I might just fall for you and you wouldn’t want that cause I’m g –“ Luhan breaks off, digesting what Minseok said earlier. “Wait…what? P-people like us? Did you say I mean I probably heard it all wrong but I…” Luhan trails off, his words lost in his throat.
“Yupp, people like us. I don’t know why people always say that, what do you mean people like us? We’re all humans aren’t we? And yes, in case you didn’t catch it, I’m gay too Luhan. So don’t worry about me running away,” Minseok laughs because how much cuter can Luhan get.
“Oh. Oh,” Luhan looks at Minseok and he starts to laugh again and God, Minseok misses that laughter, “So I guess we’re good?”
“Yeah, we are. Here,” Minseok passes Luhan another stick of marshmallow, browned to perfection. Luhan can almost imagine Minseok in an apron cooking in the kitchen and he’s sure that whatever Minseok is cooking will smell great and to come home to th –
“Sorry?”
“Huh?” Luhan panics because he’s pretty sure he’s just embarrassed himself by daydreaming out loud.
“You were mumbling something about cooking.”
“Oh! Oh I was just wondering if you uhh know how to cook because you sure seem to know how to roast marshmallows.” Luhan cringes because that sounded so stupid.
Minseok curls in on himself when he laughs and Luhan finds himself laughing along. He is glad he made this trip out to the beach after all.
TBC
Re: wc!au: team dage : Ultraviolet 2/2
(Anonymous) 2014-07-08 06:09 am (UTC)(link)