exomeme | part two hundred and thirteen

part two hundred and thirteen

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meme • sncj • fyexo • fyeahs

world cup: exomeme edition

congratulations team nini & team chenshine!
round one: 07-08 00:00 UTC - 07-10 23:59 UTC
team a - laybaektao, team b - xiuchanlu, team c - sudopphun

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anon

The tagline of the day always starts off as: blame Jongdae.

Blame Jongdae for dumping frog warts into Chanyeol’s soup which then led to Chanyeol firing off charms across the room which happened to hit Kyungsoo of all people with a case of unstoppable turrets. Kyungsoo’s wand always seemed to have it out for Baekhyun and with Kyungsoo babbling an incoherent string of curse words mashed together with actual curses, Baekhyun thought he had almost died when the beam of light hit in directly in the chest.

Luckily instead, he wakes up a table with fine red oak gloss and killer, curvy legs. Kyungsoo always did have impeccable taste.

To be fair, Baekhyun might have been slightly involved in the process of getting the frog warts out of the potion master’s chambers, but it most certainly didn’t deserve to have him reshaped into a table. It’s a small consolation that he’s at least an incredibly sturdy table and that it takes all three of his friends to lift him out of the great hall and back into the Gryffindor common room.

It takes them a grand total of 20 minutes, huffing and puffing and Baekhyun wishes he could have saved a moving photo of Kyungsoo’s face, beet red and twitching to prevent himself form spouting out any new hexes. At last, after a series of knee knocking and toe stubbing, they make it through the common room and into Baekhyun’s shared dormitory.

“There you go buddy,” Chanyeol says, practically dropping Baekhyun three feet from the air. The table makes a resounding smack against the floor and Baekhyun’s knees sting. Jongdae gives him a slight slap that feels like spank and Baekhyun wonders briefly where in the world his butt was even located on this thing.

Chanyeol leans down to where he thinks Baekhyun’s head is but is actually closer to his ribs.

“Kyungsoo says, or I think he said,” Chanyeol mutters, a little unsure, “he said it’ll wear off in a few hours, maybe like 3 hours at tops.”

“We figured, it would be better to bring you back to your dorm rather than the hospital wing cause we really can’t afford anymore detentions this week,” Jongdae says idly and for the person who caused this whole mess he’s walked away remarkable spotless.

Baekhyun tries focusing his anger into changing back, but the most his new form allows him is a little vibration, a slight humming feeling beneath his gloss. It’s remarkably saddening how powerless he feels, but with Kyungsoo muttering the promises of revenge under his breath in the corner, Baekhyun decides it might be marginally safer for him to stay as a table for the next few hours or so.

---

Marginally is a strong word and an even more regrettable one when seven hours later, Zitao bursts into the room, a quarter past eleven, dragging a slightly tipsy Yixing behind him.

They’ve managed to kick their shoes off and Zitao keeps running his hands down his own sides, in that way that he does when he’s incredibly horny. On the other hand, Yixing zones off into space even as Zitao looks at him expectantly.

Yixing ignores him, choosing instead to make his way over to Baekhyun’s side and puts a hand down curiously.

Baekhyun has a really bad feeling about this.

“Wow, a vibrating table,” Yixing says slowly and Baekhyun feels the oak leap out of his chest.

I’m here!! I’m here!! He thinks furiously in some off chance that Zitao’s occlumency lessons were actually going well. Zitao stares intently at him before shrugging and running a hand down Baekhyun’s wooden side. Whatever mental signal he projected over to Zitao was definitely not the right one.

“Ge,” Zitao whines and even from this distance Baekhyun can smell the firewhiskey on his breath. “We should-”

Baekhyun can’t bend his neck or whatever the equivalent of a neck is on a table, but Yixing must have nodded or something, because suddenly Zitao’s weight is entirely on the table. Baekhyun actually hears his joints creak under Zitao’s weight, but oddly enough it doesn’t hurt.

“What if it’s Baekhyun’s table?” Yixing comments slowly still unsure even as Zitao settles himself down on Baekhyun tossing his head back like some wannabe porn star.

“It feels nice, really nice” ZItao says, sitting his full weight back on Baekhyun’s shoulder part. “We could clean it up too afterwards, he won’t have to know.”

“Is that so?” Yixing laughs, all dark and try-hard sultry and oh god, there’s no way that they would even think of-

Baekhyun’s worst fear is confirmed when Zitao surges forward bringing Yixing back with down with him. It’s gross enough hearing them through the walls of the dormitory sometimes, but nothing beats having two living breathing, fucking roommates on top of him, trying to suffocate each other between sucking each other’s tongues.

Zitao is making these slightly little breathy moans as Yixing’s fingers work their way beneath his shirt to pinch at his nipples and Baekhyun feels everything: every small brush of fabric against the table surface as Yixing pushes it away and then Zitao’s burning hot skin, flushed with alcohol. The heat of Zitao’s body is scalding, especially since Baekhyun has been sitting in the cold, dark room without as much as a tablecloth over him.

It’s a nice burn though.

Yixing works his hips quick, rutting furiously against Zitao’s thighs with both their pants still on, thank god. Baekhyun vaguely hopes that they’re both too drunk to even get their clothes off.

His hope is short lived as Zitao pulls something out of his pocket, leaning up to whisper something into Yixing’s neck. Not for the first time, Baekhyun wishes that he could turn his head around just enough to see Yixing’s long, piano fingers work Zitao wide open, slow and steady. A finger, two and then three, Baekhyun doesn’t know the difference. He only knows that Yixing has talented fingers, marked by guitar calluses and that apparently sleeping with Zitao could make anyone feel like a sex god.

Zitao is moaning, vocal as ever, before Yixing even finishes prepping him. Finally Yixing settles back, taking his weight off of the table to Baekhyun’s relief. There’s a suggestive sound of a zipper behind him and Baekhyun shivers in anticipation like he’s the one about to get fucked.

For a brief second, there’s absolute silence only broken by the sounds of Zitao’s panting. Baekhyun’s legs are stiff, aching with a soft burn as Yixing leans back over Zitao and pushes his full weight on the table. There’s a soft exchange of kisses that make Baekhyun alternate between wanting to puke and wanting to sneak his way between them, open mouthed and greedy. It’s definitely intimate but the sloppiness and alcohol between them makes it even hotter.

Zitao arches clear off the table when Yixing enters him. He’s gentle at first, but then harsh and demanding as Zitao hooks his legs around Yixing’s waist and claws at his back with desperation. It’s not the kind of sex Baekhyun would have ever expected them to have, but he’s definitely not complaining. A part of him still wonders if the two would get a hint if Baekhyun suddenly started spouting splinters random between his two bottom legs. Logically speaking, Baekhyun isn’t even sure where his dick would be in the anatomy of a table, but he knows he’s hard already, listening to Zitao moan on top of him as Yixing works a hand between them to jerk him off.

Yixing comes first, thrusting like a machine and jostling Baekhyun’s entire frame as he nears his climax. Despite the frenzied fucking, he still has the manners to pull out, splatter half over Zitao’s thighs and then some on Baekhyun.

“Oh god,” Zitao screams and Baekhyun feels his own wood vibrate from a completely different reason. Zitao comes with a soft moan and even more of that gets on Baekhyun’s surface and finally, finally Baekhyun feels his own legs give out like jelly.

All three of them crash to the ground in a mess: Yixing- half clothed and messy, looking confused as ever, Zitao- fucked out of his mind and still moaning, and then finally Baekhyun-fully clothed with come splatters on the back of his shirt and desperately trying to hid the wet spot inside his jeans- trapped beneath the two.

“Oh,” Yixing says and that’s all he says even as Baekhyun ruts up against them, desperate for friction. Zitao’s hand comes up to trace along his side as he leans down to push Baekhyun back onto the ground.

God damn, they were heavy.

A part of him still wonders if the two would get a hint if Baekhyun suddenly started spouting splinters random between his two bottom legs.

anon i'm wheezing

i'm dying anon omfg table bbh

screaming

Baekhyun ruts up against them, desperate for friction. Zitao’s hand comes up to trace along his side as he leans down to push Baekhyun back onto the ground. perfect

omfg ANON

lmfao omg

this just put tablesex on a whole new level omfg

also lmao “Wow, a vibrating table,” Yixing says slowly and Baekhyun feels the oak leap out of his chest.

bless

this is now my new favorite thing in the entire universe

team a please keep it up! don't give up <3

anon i'm so ?!?! lmao gj

ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

anooooooooooooon

this is so great lmaoo

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part two hundred and thirteen

wc 1439

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