part seventy two

[exomeme]

EUREUREONG EUREUREONG EUREUREONG（●＾o＾●）

kisseu

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*hunger games au week 1 | 2

Comments

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

all the layhan branch au of hg au /o\ ...but i didn't read any of it myself so i feel bad asking but:

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21186.html?thread=89205186#cmt89205186

how to...porn how to...write............ buries face in hands

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

sobs this is much better than any porn i wrote ;A;

i really like your way with word and the flow, and my only con-crit i can think to offer would be maybe to lighten up a little on the complex sentences. while i like them personally, i can see where for someone who isn't into that style of writing could find it confusing and a bit too fast paced! otherwise good job!!!

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

i'm going to sound so dumb but what do you mean by complex sentences? /o\ /o\

i definitely have trouble with things being too fast paced but ihni what i'm doing/doing wrong hahahahahahaa buries face

ty anon ;~;

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

a complex sentence is a sentence with multiple clauses! one independent clause and at least one dependent clause, though generally they can use more dependents. basically, all of your sentences that have a lot of commas in them are complex sentences. :) because you have several clauses. complex sentences are great, but if your entire writing is built up of complex sentences, then it gets to be a bit jumbled and too fast paced. my suggestion is to alternate and make sure you have a healthy balance of simple sentences and complex sentences alike!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_sentence this might help!

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

omg anon ty so much ;; so i'm trying to go through complex sentences (and asking for help from my friends too fml) but i still can't quite understand the grammar but basically...use...shorter sentences....?

i feel like i do have a tendency to get carried away with my commas so i'll just keep on trying to cut down even more haha /o\

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

not so much shorter sentences as...well basically, you have a lot of modifiers and dependent clauses elaborating on your independent clauses. for some of your sentences, those modifiers are unnecessary. your sentence gets the point across just as well without the dependent clause as it would with it. so just try not to over-elaborate every little detail!

commas are good but too many commas starts to look messy. >: try experimenting with semicolons, or even just making more individual sentences.

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

...there's too many words here that i can dictionary define but can't figure out what they mean together rn i'm so sorry anon ;~; I'M GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME TO MULL THIS OVER AND DIGEST THIS and take your advice to heart! although i do understand the part of not over-elaborating so i'll start keeping that in mind right away!

i'm so sorry i'm so bad at this grammar thing and english thing i'm seriously so terrible at it

semicolons and periods, here i come haha

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

♥~ i've loved all of your fic so far, your writing reads so smoothly and your characters are so spot on and ;~~;

in terms of concrit! i feel like in layhan au, there were some points where it felt like you were just moving the plot, and none of the moments particularly stood out from the others? like in the porn, you had a really nice intro, and other physical details or actions that were emphasized etc, but there wasn't as much of that in some of the other fics

(btw completely off topic but that porn intro got pictures of you stuck in my head for a day, idk if that was an intentional similarity lol)

and idk if.. that makes sense.... sobs but ty so much for all the fic you've written for this au! and pls keep writing!! :*

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

first of all: ty so much for the kind words ;;; this au has been so good to me (ydek how much of a writer's block i was in. it was a fucking abyss under the great wall of china or something) and ty for introducing me to more english music haha today has been good for that too!

hmmm i think you're definitely right! i went back to compare but even w/o i know that when i was writing them, i was focused more on just getting thing after thing to happen vs focusing on the moments for the krislayhan (mostly bc idk what else to do when porn haha). i think between you and anon above, i need to find a better balance for it across the board and not...just ditch it in some cases and overload in others ;; ty so much for the comments anon!

i think i'm finally burning out a little tho so much fic writing these past few days omo but i will be trying my best! ty again ;;

Re: ITT: constructive crit for HG!

[(Anonymous)]

no ty to you for reminding me of that song haha, orz i hope you weren't insulted by the comparison or anything ;;

i personally have issues with being too wordy myself lol so uh maybe i'm not the best person to give advice u_u either way gl anon if you decide to work on it!

;; aw, pls take a rest if you need it anon! you've already contributed plenty, don't burn yourself out ;~;